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Date: Thu, 23 Mar 2006 08:00:16 -0500
From: ciegodeamor
Subject: Re: i can't stop procrastinating

You do have two chronic problems I see in your post. The belief in "Can't" and unnecessary shame.

Part 1: "Can't"

The name of your post is "I can't stop procrastinating". If you think you "can't" do something, it is usually harder to get it done. Can't has never given rise to success or inspiration. I suggest you never think, or speak that word again in relation to your personal capabilities. When you think or say you can't do something, you are saying that you know that your attempts will result in failure. That nature of belief is that when you have ones that are limiting, you will tend to focus on all evidence that supports it, and ignore all evidence to the contrary. You can get things done without procrastinating as demonstrated from when you had a behavioral counselor and I am sure that you also do so even today(even if it isn't as much as you would like).

So even though it may seem a minor point to you, the first thing you need to do is change the way you think about your procrastination. You do have the ability to stop it, and you do stop it when it matters or when others can hold you accountable. This change in thought is not a matter of positive thinking, but more a matter of truthful thinking.

When we have traits about ourselves that we do not like, it is very easy to think that we become those traits. The way to determine the truth of a situation like procrastination is the "Million dollar test". If I gave you a million dollars to stop procrastinating for a week, I believe you could- if you could not, then you definitely should seek the assistance of a professional therapist. Therefore, procrastination is not the problem, but a symptom.

Your challenge is that you have not found the inspiration and/or motivation to address the areas where you procrastinate. When your procrastination is not the product of lack of organizational knowledge, the best way to have overcome procrastination is to identify the root of why it appeals to some part of you. Not doing is an action, and until you understand where the action comes from, most techniques are just tricks that will not result in lasting change (as evidenced by your backslide once you lost the accountability the therapist provided).

Right now you are focused on what you are not getting done, and that isn't good, because what you focus on you will get more of. Find that which matters to you, and do it, and you will find that what you don't want to do or fear to do will diminish in importance, in the same way that a million dollars can help you forget your negative inclinations. You are far greater than your procrastination, and the way to overcome it is to find ways to remind yourself of that fact.

Part 2:"Shame"

"i do think i should be able to do these simple things by myself and without so much support.

Support is only a bad thing if you depend on it for your wellbeing. If you use support as a means of external accountability and advice, and use it as an aid to your development, the word support is really just another form of education. If you need examples of the power of support think of religion, AA (alcoholics anonymous), self-help books, and discussion groups such as this. Support has a well proven track record of being a useful tool if utilized properly; namely, creating strength and not dependence.

And what's more, i procrastinate on almost everything. i am embarrassed because i feel like it's a kind of immaturity or something... not sure why i can't overcome this."

It is not immature to have areas of your life where you need to improve; that is called being human. If we all were fully realized at birth, there wouldn't be much purpose to life. Do not judge yourself with "shoulds". If you want to change something about your life, then make a plan to improve everyday; but stop beating yourself up. I think that "should" should be outlawed because "what is" is what is real, and we define what is real by the choices we make. Shame can only exist where secrets dwell, and your secret isn't a secret anymore; you have just told your secret to a crowded room.

Conclusion:

I know this isn't the traditional, technique laden suggestions of tips and tricks that most people want, but chronic procrastination is not generally a matter of lack of knowledge about getting things done; it is the result of limiting beliefs. So I'll left the tricks to others today (other days, I may write about them also) and I talked to you from my heart. We all have flaws, but what really defines us is do we accept them or do we try to better ourselves. Just in posting here, you have defined yourself as someone who wants to better yourself.

I look forward to hearing from you more, and I offer support as I can-as will others in this group. You do not know me from Adam, but I am very proud of you, because it is hard to be as open as you have been; be proud of yourself. I know I am.

ciegodeamor
http://www.wakeuplife.org